Mitä tehdä kun huomaa että maailma romahtaa niskaan? Kun enään ei edes jaksa nousta ylös sängystä? Kun elämä tuo pettymystä? Kun enään ei tunne elämän iloa?

Masennus iskee? Huomaa tehneensä ison virheen, eikä saa sitä tekemättömäksi? Kun huomaa olevansa ihan yksin, ei ystäviä, eikä tyttö/poikakaveria? Kun ei jaksa enään yrittää,kun voimat ovat lopussa?

Kun ei jaksa miettiä tulevaisuutta? Kun enään ei välitä mistään? Kun menneisyys tuntuu nykyhetkeltä? Kun haluaa päästä pois..kokonaan?

Kun haluaa olla onnellinen, mutta ei pysty? Kun haluaa suunitella tulevaisuutta, mutta ei yksin? Kun haluaa olla joku muu, joka sun ihastus kohde rakastaa?

Näihin kysymyksiin jos saisi vastausta, ehkä minunkin elämä tästä helpottuisi.. edes vähän..olisin kiitollinen.

I sit back and look at all the times he has been there. One dream after another..He was always there to carry my heart and the load that seems to never cease. He seems he wants to love but cant because he is only a mire image of the man I have always wanted. He crys when he looks at the battered heart and he crys harder when he sees the burdens of my life. He wants to make it all better but yet again he is just a mire image. But the one dream that I will never forget is when he takes my hand and leads me into the underground world where he was born. On the walls are painted pictures of his life, Stories that will never be told because he has no kin and no wife or children. Stories that will never be shared with the world.. There is one picture on the wall of a woman on a cloud. she has little children at her feet, and he is standing behind her. He looks soo happy there, but yet it is not his wife or children. It was a mire image of what he needed. He wanted so bad to share that life with her, but tuned it out because the simple three words, he could not bare to say to her. He could not bare to see her cry. As i turned around to ask him what he needed from me, why was he invading my most precious dreams. He looked at me and said, "For I am in heaven, and I sacrificed my love, because if not me it would have been her, I pleaded with the almighty one to take me and not her. " The three words that i could not dare say to her ever, was, " I will Die!" I looked at him with admiration, and concern wondering why?? He then went on to say, "For all the things I ever wanted in life, I gave my own love up, so she could be there with her family and friends. She wanted to have her love to, and she knew it was me. She needed children, and a husband, and a family to make her happy. She needed me, but I left because i could not bare to see her cry after I was gone." "To her I was just a more image of what she wanted." "She loved me like no other woman could, she wanted to give me the world, but it is then when i realized she dont need me, if I will not be here for long." I looked at him and breath the essence of love he was feelin, he told me to look at the faded picture of his love and his children that would have been his. As I rose to look at this mire image of a woman beyond the woman of her years, I brushed my hand against the wall to uncover the faded image. Her hair was a lusty brown and her eyes the most unique shade of blue. Lips kissable enough to make you want to cry, hips wide but enough to bear children, and a backbone strong enough to always carry the burdens of life. The children at her feet, lookin up at her with uncondtional love. The man standing behind her built like a rock, eyes so round, a smile that lights up the room. And for the first time I could feel in my heart what true love is completely. As I looked into the eyes of these faded images, I seen how much love was in that one mire image. I started to cry because as i was listening to him go on about love and how much you can learn from it, I realized in that image was a woman who was so lonely but so strong. At the last minute I realized that WOMAN WAS ME!!!! As I turned around to tell him how I felt, my nameless solider, man I have loved forever, disapated into thin air. I awoke in a cold sweat, tears running down my pale cheeks, I could only think of my solider. As I turned to look out the window , I seen a beautiful rose sittin on teh window sill, with a note attached that said, "For my love, I never wanted to hurt you, I must say I love you, and after all this time I am finally glad you realized the woman in "That mire image was you" for "I will die" I gave up everything for you" That is when things became crystal clear, and I realized someones heart has always been there ,just unreachable. He is a "Mire Image of my life" and I of his! - This has nothing to to do, maybe a bit of it, with my own life, this was a short story I just wrote. I hope you like it :)

Ok so I sit here and ponder thoughts of when the feelings ruled your life. I cant think of any, but three of the greatest loves of my life. So my very first love was one of those loves where everything seems right at the time, but as time goes on you grow to know each other and everyday becomes a happier one, because when you look in that persons eyes you know what true and real love is. You cant wait to get home from college or work because you want to wrap your arms around that person and tell them that you missed them so. And they look in your eyes and tell you how verfy much they love you. You are filled inside and outside with one thing, Joy and happiness. Then somehow a dark, very dark cloud enters ur life, and things are said that you never wanted to hear in your ears or come out of your mouth. You sit and try to reclaim the past just to realize if you would have said "baby I love you, lets work this out by talkin" things might have gone sweeter. But you didn't say that because what you were hearing was the devil in your loves soul....the words you were hearing made you burst into tears, and you just wanted to die right then and there. You wanted to run or go to sleep and pray that GOD would make it go away. But you face reality and grab your things and go. Yet you return many times to try to work things out but they dont work out, and finally after 2 years of mental, and emotional abuse you let go. You try to dignfy your life, and make it worthwhile...You think love has left you and you'll never find it again, then one day , a perfect man walks into your life. He makes those memories of the past and becomes your confidont, your streghnth, your power, your love. You hang on trying to figure out where this whrilwind of feelings is coming from..You deny your in love yet again, thinking god only lets you truly love one person in ur lifetime. Your scared to feel again, but yet you open the possiblity of love..You feel it, touch it, want it, crave it. And finally you admit that what you feel is love. You embrace is with all you have. Then one day you realize your just a "Great Friend" to that person. They love you but not the kind of love you feel...So you go on, pretend your happy, while all the time your dying inside as each day goes on. But you have learned how to ignore the love because you had a prior experience to this. So your always there for the person but you move on in hopes to find that one person you can love forever. As days turn into weeks that turn into months, that finally reach a years end, you find yourself confiding in one person, you never thought you would love. But yet again this person doesnt know that deep in ur heart you yearn to show them what love is...when they cry you cry, when they hurt you hurt, when they are happy you are happy..yet again it isn't enough to make it a complete bond..after many many horrible nights, confused days, you realize in the final year that once again you have found a great love. But the fact remains they love another. So you try to be happy..and you are because you have that special bond that makes a true friend. You love being with them, you love makin time for them in ur life. You sit at home, work or school, and you think wow this is one person worth loving..God has gave me one more chance. But it is not workin. They are leaving your life, so you make the best of what you've got.. After awhile you want to know why God has put these people in your life, if you cant love them..or have them to love, and you come up with one thing and one thing only, *YOUR GREAT LOVE, IS HELPING THE ONES YOU LOVE, LOVE BETTER*

Always stuck a leaving, drives me crazy
Make of someting I know nothing, baby it's hard
Baby it's so hard
I would like to wear your face for a minute
You are always staying, I'm always leaving
Baby, I'm gone
And I see you let me out of this silent soul

I can't love myself
But I can't leave myself
Can't be no one else, cause in the end
We are the ones we are
But I just can't love myself
So how could you my friend
Yes, I can pretend, but in the end
We are the ones we are
And I just can't love myself

I'm the kind of thing you don't remember
Like a rainy day in this September
I'm gone, baby I'm gone
People never hate me, my world is so silent
When I try to sing, it sounds like the siren
Baby, it's hard
And I see you let me out of this lonely life

I can't love myself
But I can't leave myself
Can't be no one else, cause in the end
We are the ones we are
But I just can't love myself
So how could you my friend
Yes, I can pretend, but in the end
We are the ones we are

Whatever you say
I'm not gonna change
Whatever you feel
Stay the same way

I can't love myself
But I can't leave myself
Can't be no one else, cause in the end
We are the ones we are

 

.::Hide in bed, sheets overhead,
blocking out the sun,
Feel like we are marooned at sea,
away from everyone,
And I, I hate to say goodbye,
I want you to touch me one more time::.

.::I have every reason
To live the dream inside me
I'm getting up and leavin
I want you right behind me::.